If only baby is born with a sheet of instructions...

updated by mommy @ 1 year 4 months 1 week and 5 days old

...then at least I know how to handle and bring her up well...
...then at least I know why she couldn't sleep well and kept waking up middle of the night crying...
....then at least I know what she wants and how to make her feel happy and contented..
....then at least I know why she is rejecting her milk...

If only..if only.....

Isabel has not been an easy baby that I've prayed for. She is such a fussy baby that her poor sleeping habits still haunt me till today. Sometimes during those "difficult" period that I am so so so sleep deprived and she is so so so hard to sleep well, I really feel like a failure and I don't even feel like seeing or taking care of her. I know how bad I am to think of that but it is true. I have a phobia when she is not sleeping well and the minute I hear her cry, automatically I wanted to shut my ear and my heartbeat will start beating fast.

Though she is trained to sleep alone and she was doing great during the first few months, now is a different story again. She is like back to her baby time and will wake me up almost every 2 hours the whole night. I am so so so deprived I tell you till I really don't understand why she just can't sleep well. I am really having difficulty coping with her poor sleeping habits.

Maybe she is teething...but her 2 molars are already out...maybe there are others? I don't know....

Yesterday she stuffed the whole pacifier into her mouth and luckily I spotted that. Now I am very worried giving her the pacifier. I took away the 2 small one and left the 2 big ones around. Hubby ordered to let her wean off pacifier coz it is concerning her safety. I understand, of course I understand the danger of it...but..even with pacifier, she is such a poor sleeper, I cannot imagine without a pacifier.

Honestly I am not ready to wean her off at this age. She doesn't understand a single thing angd suddenly we take away her addiction. Can imagine how upset she will be and how is she going to throw her tantrums to get back what she loved?I am not ready...coz with her late poor sleeping habits, I am already running low on my patience and energy level, how can I able to stand the screams and cries she is going to have when we take away her pacifier?

Help..help...I wish the time can pass faster and she will be better in her sleeping habits but I also want to enjoy her "toddlerhood" now....so contradicting...I can't wait till she is sleeping like her brother now..

When is she able to sleep through the night? When can she let mommy has a peaceful night sleep? When? When?