I negotiated with mommy just now during bedtime. Either she sleeps with me on the big bed, that I will fall asleep on my own OR she carries me and shake me to sleep.
I am fine to sleep alone during naptime but I want company during night time. Mommy, mommy, please let me sleep on the big bed. I like rolling around the big space and lying/playing on the big pillow and bolster. I also like seeing you sleeping next to me.
Please don't throw me in the playpen on my own.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Only 5 days????
updated by mommy @ 1 year 5 months 2 weeks old.
Isabel has not been a good sleeper since young. For almost 1.5 years old, maybe 20-30% of the nights she did not give much problem to me. The rest of the nights were just so disturbing. She has a problem of frequent night waking and request for carrying to sleep. The minute you put her down, she will just open her eyes immediately and started her episodes all over again.
I have been so sleep deprived and stressful in taking care of her. Hence, resulted in me being so determined to train her sleeping on her own. Though it seems better, she still gives me problem most of the nights. Except that, with her sleeping on her own, I can just leave her in her playpen crying till she fall asleep. At least I don't get too stress up / tiring carrying her, that may resulted in me swinging/patting her too hard (that's how some mommies abuse their children when they are losing their patience).
After she recovered from her sickness last week, she has been sleeping quite well for about 5 days. She didn't fuss when I put her down during bedtime and fall asleep on her own. She only wakes up for milk and didn't cry loudly. Just make some demanding noise. After fed her milk, she slept like an angel again. There were even 1 night that she slept through without waking up middle of the night. I was so happy and just love her to bits. I thought her teething crisis and illness were over and she should be sleeping well from now on....I couldn't stop to share it with my helper that how good is she nowadays come to sleeping...maybe I have jinxed it. After the compliment, she started giving me a BIG HARD time last night.
5 days...yes....only 5 days that she was good...last night after putting her to bed, she rolled on the bed on her own. At about 11am, I went over to her room to adjust the air-cond. The minute I opened the door, she spotted me and started crying and demanding to be carried. I left her and usually she would be ok after a while and settled back to sleep. But not last night. She was so terrible that she didn't really sleep for more than half an hour in a single session the whole night till this morning 8.30am. I tried to carry and comfort her, then put her down. Usually it worked but not last night. She just wanted me to carry and carry her..till eternity maybe. The minute I put her down, she would cry. FInally I let her cry to sleep. So, she cried and cried (till don't know how long) and she fell asleep for about 20 minutes and she woke up crying again. THis goes on and on the whole night. Though I have given her milk (usually she will sleep well after milk), she still woke up every 20 minutes to cry for me. Then from 4am onwards, I just let her cry and sleep on her own since I know she is not hungry (I just fed her milk) and she was not sick or too hot or cold...
Tonight....and now....yes..now hubby is trying to make her sleep. She was crying very badly the minute I put her down. I really don't understand why. Why can't she just let me have a better night for a longer time????? Is 5 days the most she can give me? In certain way, I am angry about this bad habits though I know she is just a baby. I just can't help feeling angry and frustrated.
When you are sleep deprived, everything doesn't seems right.
When you are sleep deprived, you just can't think positive.
When you are sleep deprived, you just lose all your cool.
When you are sleep deprived, everyone seems like stepping on you.
When you are sleep deprived, you are incapable in doing everything right.
When you are sleep deprived, you don't have the energy/mood for anything.
When you are sleep deprived, you get angry/impatience/frustrated/violent easily.
When you are sleep deprived, you will get depression soon...
I am waiting..I am waiting for the day that she starts to sleep through the night...not 1 night, not 5 nights but at least more than a week. Please, please grant me this wish...I just can't wait...this is suffering....
p/s: Isabel, if you read this post in the future, I want you to know that how difficult were you when you were a baby. How much sleep mommy has sacrificed for you, to bring you up. You better be a good girl and be good to mommy. Sigh...
Isabel has not been a good sleeper since young. For almost 1.5 years old, maybe 20-30% of the nights she did not give much problem to me. The rest of the nights were just so disturbing. She has a problem of frequent night waking and request for carrying to sleep. The minute you put her down, she will just open her eyes immediately and started her episodes all over again.
I have been so sleep deprived and stressful in taking care of her. Hence, resulted in me being so determined to train her sleeping on her own. Though it seems better, she still gives me problem most of the nights. Except that, with her sleeping on her own, I can just leave her in her playpen crying till she fall asleep. At least I don't get too stress up / tiring carrying her, that may resulted in me swinging/patting her too hard (that's how some mommies abuse their children when they are losing their patience).
After she recovered from her sickness last week, she has been sleeping quite well for about 5 days. She didn't fuss when I put her down during bedtime and fall asleep on her own. She only wakes up for milk and didn't cry loudly. Just make some demanding noise. After fed her milk, she slept like an angel again. There were even 1 night that she slept through without waking up middle of the night. I was so happy and just love her to bits. I thought her teething crisis and illness were over and she should be sleeping well from now on....I couldn't stop to share it with my helper that how good is she nowadays come to sleeping...maybe I have jinxed it. After the compliment, she started giving me a BIG HARD time last night.
5 days...yes....only 5 days that she was good...last night after putting her to bed, she rolled on the bed on her own. At about 11am, I went over to her room to adjust the air-cond. The minute I opened the door, she spotted me and started crying and demanding to be carried. I left her and usually she would be ok after a while and settled back to sleep. But not last night. She was so terrible that she didn't really sleep for more than half an hour in a single session the whole night till this morning 8.30am. I tried to carry and comfort her, then put her down. Usually it worked but not last night. She just wanted me to carry and carry her..till eternity maybe. The minute I put her down, she would cry. FInally I let her cry to sleep. So, she cried and cried (till don't know how long) and she fell asleep for about 20 minutes and she woke up crying again. THis goes on and on the whole night. Though I have given her milk (usually she will sleep well after milk), she still woke up every 20 minutes to cry for me. Then from 4am onwards, I just let her cry and sleep on her own since I know she is not hungry (I just fed her milk) and she was not sick or too hot or cold...
Tonight....and now....yes..now hubby is trying to make her sleep. She was crying very badly the minute I put her down. I really don't understand why. Why can't she just let me have a better night for a longer time????? Is 5 days the most she can give me? In certain way, I am angry about this bad habits though I know she is just a baby. I just can't help feeling angry and frustrated.
When you are sleep deprived, everything doesn't seems right.
When you are sleep deprived, you just can't think positive.
When you are sleep deprived, you just lose all your cool.
When you are sleep deprived, everyone seems like stepping on you.
When you are sleep deprived, you are incapable in doing everything right.
When you are sleep deprived, you don't have the energy/mood for anything.
When you are sleep deprived, you get angry/impatience/frustrated/violent easily.
When you are sleep deprived, you will get depression soon...
I am waiting..I am waiting for the day that she starts to sleep through the night...not 1 night, not 5 nights but at least more than a week. Please, please grant me this wish...I just can't wait...this is suffering....
p/s: Isabel, if you read this post in the future, I want you to know that how difficult were you when you were a baby. How much sleep mommy has sacrificed for you, to bring you up. You better be a good girl and be good to mommy. Sigh...
Saturday, August 20, 2011
My cheerful princess Isabel
Before you will see her more in her glasses in the future, I want to share with you more of my princess in her "original" self..
..Photos taken during my father's birthday in Ipoh..
..Photos taken during my father's birthday in Ipoh..
Mommy is proud of you, baby..
It is 1.03am and is thundering outside. Hubby and Darren are aound asleep and i am here looking at the baby monitor. Three of us are in the same room except my baby isabel. She was making some noise just now and i went in and comfort her. She must have wanted me to sleep with her because of the loud thunder but I left her alone after i feel i have done enough to provide her the comfort that she needed. She fussed a little bit more but i let her be. She knew i am not gonna go in anymore and she went baxk to sleep on her own,
Now looking at the baby monitor, she is sleeping soundly despite the loud thundering. I feel guilty of letting her be alone in another room. But on the other hand, i also feel proud of her. She is definitely going to be an independent and brave girl next time.
Now looking at the baby monitor, she is sleeping soundly despite the loud thundering. I feel guilty of letting her be alone in another room. But on the other hand, i also feel proud of her. She is definitely going to be an independent and brave girl next time.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Pneomococoa jab + Roseola Virus
updated by mommy on my 1 year 5 months and 3 days old.
Poor girl...I took her for Pneumococoa booster jab last Wednesday morning and she ended up have fever for 3.5 days. Not normal fever but HIGH fever.
Doctor said her fever after the jab should only last for 24 to 48 hours. When she developed her fever on Thursday night, instinctly we linked the fever up to the jab. We only gave her Paracetamol syrup. I didn't take it too seriously as I know the fever is normal. However on Friday, her fever never subside at all even after the fever medicine. Her body was warm the whole day, especially hot at certain hours. However, she was still active.
Until Friday night, her fever never subsided even after a few round of medicine. I started to get worried when it approached 10pm++. As the medicine didn't help, what if she developed high fever at night? Which I might not able to detect since she is sleeping in a separate room. Hubby was outstation and not back at that hour and I started to call my sister for advise. Finally, I drove out to a 24 hr clinic around my area at 11pm to buy a suppository (Voren 12.5mg) and Ibuprofern to replace the Paracetamol syrup. I also bought "Bye Bye Fever" from 7-11.
She was sleeping soundly when I checked on her at 12am++ and her temp was around 37.8. It was not high, so I didn't disturb her and I went to sleep. Hubby came home around 2am+ and woke me up, telling me that Isabel's temp was 39.2. I got a shock. But she was still sleeping soundly. Without hesitation, I went to her room and checked on her. Somehow I woke her up. I then took the chance to give her the suppository. ABout 2 hrs later, she woke up crying but she was sweating all over. Thank God that her fever has subsided by then. It was the first time that her fever was under control since she developed her fever.
However, her fever came back the next morning. I gave her Ibuprofern and it helped a bit throughout the day. But towards the night, Ibuprofern didn't seems to work as well somemore. Her fever came back very fast and her temp could be quite high.
So happened hubby's aunties were around and stayed with us. I have to take out Isabel's room to accomodate the guests. So, we put Isabel to sleep with us. What a wrong move....she didn't sleep well at all that night. It was so difficult to make her sleep. While she was soundly asleep (still with fever on), I moved her to another area as she was sleeping under the air-cond, I woke her up. It was about 2 hours after she slept (around 2.30am, she slept around 12am++), she didn't sleep until 7am. Can you imagine that???? I fed her medicine and she refused milk. She kept making noise and I brought her downstairs and she finished 1 VCD. She lied next to me watching the whole VCD while I dozed off after 1/4 of the show. When the show finished, she woke me up by making some noise.
I carried her up but she still refuse to sleep. She crawled here and there..and I was trying to be extremely patience with her. It was until 5am++, that I lost my patience. I let her cry... and she woke hubby up. I was super frustrated and angry. Hubby wanted to take over but she only wants me. I brought her down again and on the show but she still seems not happy. By around 6am++, my helper woke up and she took over. I went upstairs and I started crying......it was such a stressful night for us. I feel so bad that I let Isabel going through this (changes in her sleeping routine and environment) while she is not well. I also blame myself for not standing firm to secure the room for her since I know she is such a fussy sleeper. I was feeling so down and depressed that I can't stop crying and my heart was full of blame. Anyway, she finally slept again in my helper's arm around 7am.
Back to her sickness, she was not her own self on Sunday. Her appetite has dropped. She refused milk totally. She only have bread and water for the whole day. She looked lethargic and kept having high fever despite giving Ibuprofern. Around 2pm, we decided to send her to Columbia hospital.
It was a right choice as her temp was 39.5 when we were there. The doctor gave her suppository and sponged her with water. She struggled so much and was in fear. Poor girl. Doctor said her throat was red and it looked like bacteria infection. With her high fever and poor appetite, he prescribed her antibiotic. Finally she fell asleep in my arm. We were allowed to go home after half an hour after the sponging to confirm her temperature has dropped and another 15 mins after a doze of antibiotic is given to her to see if she is allergic to it. We were home by 4pm. (Note to myself: Antibiotic given - Clarithromycin (Klacid).)
I napped with her that evening and she just looked so tired the whole day. She was so clingy and cranky. She will just make noise and we didn't know what she wants. On Sunday night, her fever came back around 3.30pm and I have to give her another suppository and another doze of antibiotic.
Monday morning, she looked very dull. Not really responding to our calls or commands. We were extremely worried. She also appeared very lethargic and tired. She woke up 8am and wanted to sleep again at 9am. It was very unusual for her. She slept till 10.30am. We then decided to send her to Sunway hospital.
Immediately I called Darren's school to arrange him to stay for day care for a day. Packed everything and I drove to Sunway at 11.30am. Saw the doctor and doctor confirmed that her throat was red and he asked us to continue with the antibiotic. As in her not responding well to us, we need to observe her for a few days. In case she still react the same even after the fever subsided, we need to send her back again. But according to the doctor, Isabel looked fine.
Went home and she napped again. She has been napping a lot on this day. Towards night time, she appeared more active. She also accepting her milk at night time. It was a great relief that her fever did not come back anymore the whole day. I still sleep with her at night to monitor her for one more day. She was so active that night (probably sleep too much during the day) and refuse to sleep till 12am++.
Today, she is back to her own self..though her appetite is still not too good. Her body started to develop rashes..Now I know...she was infected with Roseola virus..same thing that Darren had it when he was 1 year old. I checked back my blog and discovered that they have the same symptoms.
She is now on the road to recovery and back to her active self. But her "manja" and moodiness are still here. She is also back to sleeping and napping on her own today (I was so worried she will refuse to sleep on her own again after I have been sleeping with her on the queen size bed in her room for 2 days.).
Poor girl...from taking the jab to the last visit to doctor in Sunway hospital, she is now so afraid of doctors. She was taking the fever medicine very well at the beginning but not after so many rounds and different type of medicine. Now we have to force the medicine in using the syringe. I feel so sorry for her.
Isabel, mommy feels so sorry for you that you have to go through all these. Mommy hope you will recover soon and gain back the weight (0.5kg) that you have lost in this few days. You are already small size, now you looked even more fragile and thin. Mommy loves you!!!
Look at the red spots on her body..
Poor girl...I took her for Pneumococoa booster jab last Wednesday morning and she ended up have fever for 3.5 days. Not normal fever but HIGH fever.
Doctor said her fever after the jab should only last for 24 to 48 hours. When she developed her fever on Thursday night, instinctly we linked the fever up to the jab. We only gave her Paracetamol syrup. I didn't take it too seriously as I know the fever is normal. However on Friday, her fever never subside at all even after the fever medicine. Her body was warm the whole day, especially hot at certain hours. However, she was still active.
Until Friday night, her fever never subsided even after a few round of medicine. I started to get worried when it approached 10pm++. As the medicine didn't help, what if she developed high fever at night? Which I might not able to detect since she is sleeping in a separate room. Hubby was outstation and not back at that hour and I started to call my sister for advise. Finally, I drove out to a 24 hr clinic around my area at 11pm to buy a suppository (Voren 12.5mg) and Ibuprofern to replace the Paracetamol syrup. I also bought "Bye Bye Fever" from 7-11.
She was sleeping soundly when I checked on her at 12am++ and her temp was around 37.8. It was not high, so I didn't disturb her and I went to sleep. Hubby came home around 2am+ and woke me up, telling me that Isabel's temp was 39.2. I got a shock. But she was still sleeping soundly. Without hesitation, I went to her room and checked on her. Somehow I woke her up. I then took the chance to give her the suppository. ABout 2 hrs later, she woke up crying but she was sweating all over. Thank God that her fever has subsided by then. It was the first time that her fever was under control since she developed her fever.
However, her fever came back the next morning. I gave her Ibuprofern and it helped a bit throughout the day. But towards the night, Ibuprofern didn't seems to work as well somemore. Her fever came back very fast and her temp could be quite high.
So happened hubby's aunties were around and stayed with us. I have to take out Isabel's room to accomodate the guests. So, we put Isabel to sleep with us. What a wrong move....she didn't sleep well at all that night. It was so difficult to make her sleep. While she was soundly asleep (still with fever on), I moved her to another area as she was sleeping under the air-cond, I woke her up. It was about 2 hours after she slept (around 2.30am, she slept around 12am++), she didn't sleep until 7am. Can you imagine that???? I fed her medicine and she refused milk. She kept making noise and I brought her downstairs and she finished 1 VCD. She lied next to me watching the whole VCD while I dozed off after 1/4 of the show. When the show finished, she woke me up by making some noise.
I carried her up but she still refuse to sleep. She crawled here and there..and I was trying to be extremely patience with her. It was until 5am++, that I lost my patience. I let her cry... and she woke hubby up. I was super frustrated and angry. Hubby wanted to take over but she only wants me. I brought her down again and on the show but she still seems not happy. By around 6am++, my helper woke up and she took over. I went upstairs and I started crying......it was such a stressful night for us. I feel so bad that I let Isabel going through this (changes in her sleeping routine and environment) while she is not well. I also blame myself for not standing firm to secure the room for her since I know she is such a fussy sleeper. I was feeling so down and depressed that I can't stop crying and my heart was full of blame. Anyway, she finally slept again in my helper's arm around 7am.
Back to her sickness, she was not her own self on Sunday. Her appetite has dropped. She refused milk totally. She only have bread and water for the whole day. She looked lethargic and kept having high fever despite giving Ibuprofern. Around 2pm, we decided to send her to Columbia hospital.
It was a right choice as her temp was 39.5 when we were there. The doctor gave her suppository and sponged her with water. She struggled so much and was in fear. Poor girl. Doctor said her throat was red and it looked like bacteria infection. With her high fever and poor appetite, he prescribed her antibiotic. Finally she fell asleep in my arm. We were allowed to go home after half an hour after the sponging to confirm her temperature has dropped and another 15 mins after a doze of antibiotic is given to her to see if she is allergic to it. We were home by 4pm. (Note to myself: Antibiotic given - Clarithromycin (Klacid).)
I napped with her that evening and she just looked so tired the whole day. She was so clingy and cranky. She will just make noise and we didn't know what she wants. On Sunday night, her fever came back around 3.30pm and I have to give her another suppository and another doze of antibiotic.
Monday morning, she looked very dull. Not really responding to our calls or commands. We were extremely worried. She also appeared very lethargic and tired. She woke up 8am and wanted to sleep again at 9am. It was very unusual for her. She slept till 10.30am. We then decided to send her to Sunway hospital.
Immediately I called Darren's school to arrange him to stay for day care for a day. Packed everything and I drove to Sunway at 11.30am. Saw the doctor and doctor confirmed that her throat was red and he asked us to continue with the antibiotic. As in her not responding well to us, we need to observe her for a few days. In case she still react the same even after the fever subsided, we need to send her back again. But according to the doctor, Isabel looked fine.
Went home and she napped again. She has been napping a lot on this day. Towards night time, she appeared more active. She also accepting her milk at night time. It was a great relief that her fever did not come back anymore the whole day. I still sleep with her at night to monitor her for one more day. She was so active that night (probably sleep too much during the day) and refuse to sleep till 12am++.
Today, she is back to her own self..though her appetite is still not too good. Her body started to develop rashes..Now I know...she was infected with Roseola virus..same thing that Darren had it when he was 1 year old. I checked back my blog and discovered that they have the same symptoms.
She is now on the road to recovery and back to her active self. But her "manja" and moodiness are still here. She is also back to sleeping and napping on her own today (I was so worried she will refuse to sleep on her own again after I have been sleeping with her on the queen size bed in her room for 2 days.).
Poor girl...from taking the jab to the last visit to doctor in Sunway hospital, she is now so afraid of doctors. She was taking the fever medicine very well at the beginning but not after so many rounds and different type of medicine. Now we have to force the medicine in using the syringe. I feel so sorry for her.
Isabel, mommy feels so sorry for you that you have to go through all these. Mommy hope you will recover soon and gain back the weight (0.5kg) that you have lost in this few days. You are already small size, now you looked even more fragile and thin. Mommy loves you!!!
Look at the red spots on her body..
Monday, August 15, 2011
Playground fun
Last Thursday after mommy came back from yoga, she brought me out to the playground for some playground fun. The weather was so nice and windy. I had a great time at the outdoor.
Mommy took the opportunity to test out her new camera and shoot some photos of me..a lot actually but I was running and moving a lot, so not many nice photos....
Look how much fun I have in the playground....
Mommy took the opportunity to test out her new camera and shoot some photos of me..a lot actually but I was running and moving a lot, so not many nice photos....
Look how much fun I have in the playground....
Friday, August 12, 2011
My first hairclip...
Mommy bought me a new hair clip. I don't have much hair since young and I don't like to put things on my hair, so mommy never buy or let me wear hair clip before.
Lately my hair has grown longer, so mommy bought some cheap hair clip for me from market. Look how pretty I am with my hair clip...
More hairclip will come mommy said after seeing how cute I am with the hair clip. Mommy said I look like a big girl already...
Lately my hair has grown longer, so mommy bought some cheap hair clip for me from market. Look how pretty I am with my hair clip...
More hairclip will come mommy said after seeing how cute I am with the hair clip. Mommy said I look like a big girl already...
Monday, August 8, 2011
The day that I never wish to come has arrived...
updated by mommy @ 1 year 4 months 3 weeks and 5 days old
Today..is the day that I wish it will never come......because today will mark the day that my precious daughter, princess Isabel, will have an extra accessory on her pure and innocent face everyday, every waking moment from now on...till probably she reaches her adulthood...
The accessory that I never want to have it for my children (I never need one)..but it is fated that both of my children need it...This pair costs us RM600 (RM400 for lenses and RM200 for frame). It is made of rubber so that it will not break easily.
It took me 3 weeks to accept the fact that I need to get Isabel's glasses done. Finally her glasses are ready for collection last Saturday but I dreaded to go there and collect it. Today, hubby went over and brought back her pair of glasses after work.
We tried it on but she refused to wear. We let her played with it but still refused to wear...finally before bedtime, as usual, I brought her to my room and let her watched her favourite four golden princess in youtube. She was concentrating in the video while her hands were full of balloons. I took this opportunity to put the glasses on her. She tried to take it out but her hands were holding balloons. Very fast, (maybe) she has forgotten about the glasses and continue wearing her glasses while watching the video.
I quickly called hubby up to look at her and later she knew she is wearing her glasses but I was glad that she did not protest furthermore. She seems to accept it very well. I let her down and observed her whether she is coping with the glasses well. She seems a bit clumsy, well not really sure it is due to the glasses or she is alrady tired. But I was glad that she managed to wear the glasses for about half an hour until she decided to take it out.
I cleaned her and changed her to pyjamas. Fed her milk and made her sleep. While I was carrying her, suddenly my tears filled up both my eyes. I really feel heartache(心痛). The feeling is like a knife cut through your heart and I feel so suffocated. I hug her tightly while my tears kept flowing down my face...It is just so hard for me to accept that from now on, I will be seeing my daughter in this look...
instead of this...
I can't simply pull her towards me and buried her face on my chest anymore.
I can't kiss her face without worrying will I touch/dirty her lenses.
This piece of accessory creates so much barrier between us. I really hate it.
I am also worried that at this stage, she is still not stable and still frequently fall down, will the glasses hurt her or will she scratch her lenses?
I still remember when Darren put on his glasses the first day, I had the same feeling too. Less than a year, I am experiencing the same feeling again. Looking at them sleeping so peacefully without the glasses on, this is the "look" that I want to see everyday.
I know I will dread to bring Isabel out the next few days..I know I will dread to look at other people how they look at my precious daughter...I also know I will dread to answer all the questions that will direct to me why my daughter is wearing glasses at such a young age... same scenario, same feelings, same experience that I had with Darren 9 months ago.
How I wish the one that had the problem is ME...I had perfect eye sight while hubby only had short sightedness and astigmatism of not more than 300...why is it that my two children has in born long sightedness @ the power of 800 and above?
I know I have to learn to accept it and I know I will get used to it after seeing her wearing it for a few days or a few weeks....but at the moment...I am feeling very sad and heartache.
Isabel, mommy loves you very much. Mommy will pray hard that your power will reduce very soon and you don't need to wear glasses one day. Please pray for her!!
Today..is the day that I wish it will never come......because today will mark the day that my precious daughter, princess Isabel, will have an extra accessory on her pure and innocent face everyday, every waking moment from now on...till probably she reaches her adulthood...
The accessory that I never want to have it for my children (I never need one)..but it is fated that both of my children need it...This pair costs us RM600 (RM400 for lenses and RM200 for frame). It is made of rubber so that it will not break easily.
It took me 3 weeks to accept the fact that I need to get Isabel's glasses done. Finally her glasses are ready for collection last Saturday but I dreaded to go there and collect it. Today, hubby went over and brought back her pair of glasses after work.
We tried it on but she refused to wear. We let her played with it but still refused to wear...finally before bedtime, as usual, I brought her to my room and let her watched her favourite four golden princess in youtube. She was concentrating in the video while her hands were full of balloons. I took this opportunity to put the glasses on her. She tried to take it out but her hands were holding balloons. Very fast, (maybe) she has forgotten about the glasses and continue wearing her glasses while watching the video.
I quickly called hubby up to look at her and later she knew she is wearing her glasses but I was glad that she did not protest furthermore. She seems to accept it very well. I let her down and observed her whether she is coping with the glasses well. She seems a bit clumsy, well not really sure it is due to the glasses or she is alrady tired. But I was glad that she managed to wear the glasses for about half an hour until she decided to take it out.
I cleaned her and changed her to pyjamas. Fed her milk and made her sleep. While I was carrying her, suddenly my tears filled up both my eyes. I really feel heartache(心痛). The feeling is like a knife cut through your heart and I feel so suffocated. I hug her tightly while my tears kept flowing down my face...It is just so hard for me to accept that from now on, I will be seeing my daughter in this look...
instead of this...
I can't simply pull her towards me and buried her face on my chest anymore.
I can't kiss her face without worrying will I touch/dirty her lenses.
This piece of accessory creates so much barrier between us. I really hate it.
I am also worried that at this stage, she is still not stable and still frequently fall down, will the glasses hurt her or will she scratch her lenses?
I still remember when Darren put on his glasses the first day, I had the same feeling too. Less than a year, I am experiencing the same feeling again. Looking at them sleeping so peacefully without the glasses on, this is the "look" that I want to see everyday.
I know I will dread to bring Isabel out the next few days..I know I will dread to look at other people how they look at my precious daughter...I also know I will dread to answer all the questions that will direct to me why my daughter is wearing glasses at such a young age... same scenario, same feelings, same experience that I had with Darren 9 months ago.
How I wish the one that had the problem is ME...I had perfect eye sight while hubby only had short sightedness and astigmatism of not more than 300...why is it that my two children has in born long sightedness @ the power of 800 and above?
I know I have to learn to accept it and I know I will get used to it after seeing her wearing it for a few days or a few weeks....but at the moment...I am feeling very sad and heartache.
Isabel, mommy loves you very much. Mommy will pray hard that your power will reduce very soon and you don't need to wear glasses one day. Please pray for her!!
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