Only 5 days????

updated by mommy @ 1 year 5 months 2 weeks old.

Isabel has not been a good sleeper since young. For almost 1.5 years old, maybe 20-30% of the nights she did not give much problem to me. The rest of the nights were just so disturbing. She has a problem of frequent night waking and request for carrying to sleep. The minute you put her down, she will just open her eyes immediately and started her episodes all over again.

I have been so sleep deprived and stressful in taking care of her. Hence, resulted in me being so determined to train her sleeping on her own. Though it seems better, she still gives me problem most of the nights. Except that, with her sleeping on her own, I can just leave her in her playpen crying till she fall asleep. At least I don't get too stress up / tiring carrying her, that may resulted in me swinging/patting her too hard (that's how some mommies abuse their children when they are losing their patience).

After she recovered from her sickness last week, she has been sleeping quite well for about 5 days. She didn't fuss when I put her down during bedtime and fall asleep on her own. She only wakes up for milk and didn't cry loudly. Just make some demanding noise. After fed her milk, she slept like an angel again. There were even 1 night that she slept through without waking up middle of the night. I was so happy and just love her to bits. I thought her teething crisis and illness were over and she should be sleeping well from now on....I couldn't stop to share it with my helper that how good is she nowadays come to sleeping...maybe I have jinxed it. After the compliment, she started giving me a BIG HARD time last night.

5 days...yes....only 5 days that she was good...last night after putting her to bed, she rolled on the bed on her own. At about 11am, I went over to her room to adjust the air-cond. The minute I opened the door, she spotted me and started crying and demanding to be carried. I left her and usually she would be ok after a while and settled back to sleep. But not last night. She was so terrible that she didn't really sleep for more than half an hour in a single session the whole night till this morning 8.30am. I tried to carry and comfort her, then put her down. Usually it worked but not last night. She just wanted me to carry and carry her..till eternity maybe. The minute I put her down, she would cry. FInally I let her cry to sleep. So, she cried and cried (till don't know how long) and she fell asleep for about 20 minutes and she woke up crying again. THis goes on and on the whole night. Though I have given her milk (usually she will sleep well after milk), she still woke up every 20 minutes to cry for me. Then from 4am onwards, I just let her cry and sleep on her own since I know she is not hungry (I just fed her milk) and she was not sick or too hot or cold...

Tonight....and now....yes..now hubby is trying to make her sleep. She was crying very badly the minute I put her down. I really don't understand why. Why can't she just let me have a better night for a longer time????? Is 5 days the most she can give me? In certain way, I am angry about this bad habits though I know she is just a baby. I just can't help feeling angry and frustrated.

When you are sleep deprived, everything doesn't seems right.
When you are sleep deprived, you just can't think positive.
When you are sleep deprived, you just lose all your cool.
When you are sleep deprived, everyone seems like stepping on you.
When you are sleep deprived, you are incapable in doing everything right.
When you are sleep deprived, you don't have the energy/mood for anything.
When you are sleep deprived, you get angry/impatience/frustrated/violent easily.
When you are sleep deprived, you will get depression soon...

I am waiting..I am waiting for the day that she starts to sleep through the night...not 1 night, not 5 nights but at least more than a week. Please, please grant me this wish...I just can't wait...this is suffering....

p/s: Isabel, if you read this post in the future, I want you to know that how difficult were you when you were a baby. How much sleep mommy has sacrificed for you, to bring you up. You better be a good girl and be good to mommy. Sigh...