Monday, August 8, 2011

The day that I never wish to come has arrived...

updated by mommy @ 1 year 4 months 3 weeks and 5 days old the day that I wish it will never come......because today will mark the day that my precious daughter, princess Isabel, will have an extra accessory on her pure and innocent face everyday, every waking moment from now on...till probably she reaches her adulthood...

The accessory that I never want to have it for my children (I never need one)..but it is fated that both of my children need it...This pair costs us RM600 (RM400 for lenses and RM200 for frame). It is made of rubber so that it will not break easily.

It took me 3 weeks to accept the fact that I need to get Isabel's glasses done. Finally her glasses are ready for collection last Saturday but I dreaded to go there and collect it. Today, hubby went over and brought back her pair of glasses after work.

We tried it on but she refused to wear. We let her played with it but still refused to wear...finally before bedtime, as usual, I brought her to my room and let her watched her favourite four golden princess in youtube. She was concentrating in the video while her hands were full of balloons. I took this opportunity to put the glasses on her. She tried to take it out but her hands were holding balloons. Very fast, (maybe) she has forgotten about the glasses and continue wearing her glasses while watching the video.

I quickly called hubby up to look at her and later she knew she is wearing her glasses but I was glad that she did not protest furthermore. She seems to accept it very well. I let her down and observed her whether she is coping with the glasses well. She seems a bit clumsy, well not really sure it is due to the glasses or she is alrady tired. But I was glad that she managed to wear the glasses for about half an hour until she decided to take it out.

I cleaned her and changed her to pyjamas. Fed her milk and made her sleep. While I was carrying her, suddenly my tears filled up both my eyes. I really feel heartache(心痛). The feeling is like a knife cut through your heart and I feel so suffocated. I hug her tightly while my tears kept flowing down my face...It is just so hard for me to accept that from now on, I will be seeing my daughter in this look...

instead of this...

I can't simply pull her towards me and buried her face on my chest anymore.
I can't kiss her face without worrying will I touch/dirty her lenses.
This piece of accessory creates so much barrier between us. I really hate it.

I am also worried that at this stage, she is still not stable and still frequently fall down, will the glasses hurt her or will she scratch her lenses?

I still remember when Darren put on his glasses the first day, I had the same feeling too. Less than a year, I am experiencing the same feeling again. Looking at them sleeping so peacefully without the glasses on, this is the "look" that I want to see everyday.

I know I will dread to bring Isabel out the next few days..I know I will dread to look at other people how they look at my precious daughter...I also know I will dread to answer all the questions that will direct to me why my daughter is wearing glasses at such a young age... same scenario, same feelings, same experience that I had with Darren 9 months ago.

How I wish the one that had the problem is ME...I had perfect eye sight while hubby only had short sightedness and astigmatism of not more than 300...why is it that my two children has in born long sightedness @ the power of 800 and above?

I know I have to learn to accept it and I know I will get used to it after seeing her wearing it for a few days or a few weeks....but at the moment...I am feeling very sad and heartache.

Isabel, mommy loves you very much. Mommy will pray hard that your power will reduce very soon and you don't need to wear glasses one day. Please pray for her!!


Montessorimum said...

You need to embrace what is fallen on your path with positiveness. I truly know how you feel. A year ago my son was diagnosed with dyspraxia. I felt very low, kept asking why. But that doesn't help to change the fact. At least he is far better than those terminally ill. 比上不足,比下有余。感恩!

LittleLamb said...

I'm sure her eye sight will improve. Technology is advancing. Nothing is impossible. When she is adult, she can go for lasik...

A gift from God said...


Totally know how you feel. It's for her good. We just have to accept it and look at the positive side of things.

We were told that Reese might have Aspergers... my heart just dropped out but later, with a clear head, we are on a mission to help him and look at the positive side. Be glad the children are all healthy and will still grow up well. :) take care dear.