Making me sleep on my own.... (quoted from mommy's blog)

Quoted from my mommy's blog...

There are many things I want to train my kids.
I surfed the internet and read up parenting books.
The books taught us how to do it.
It sounds so simple and convincing.
But when I actually trying to do it...
It is really not easy.

I have been carrying Isabel to sleep and put her down to the cot.
She has no problem sleeping on her own after midnight feed, no carrying, no pacifier.
I'm sure she can sooth herself to sleep too during the day.
I tried leaving her on the cot when she seems sleepy.
She played for half an hour,
Make frustrated noise for another half and hour,
and started really crying for one whole hour.
Till she her voice has changed, she couldn't even control her own self,
despite me already carrying her.

Poor baby, I tried to be more patience but
the way she cried and the big big drops of tears flowing down her cheeks..
just make me feel so heartache.
I'm afraid all these crying will cause any side effects on her like
phobia in her cot, voice changed or bad dreams.....
Just so much worries....

At the end, she defeated the mommy.
She won...and I finally carry her back to sleep.

I have a mixed feeling...
relief that she finally stopped crying, finally fall asleep
down that I fail to train her to sooth herself to sleep,
sad that I have caused so much stress on her and finally still carry her back to sleep.

I even feel like a failure..how come I fail to make her sleep on her own...
I was asking for patience when see her cry;
I was asking for strength to make me more hard hearted;
I was asking for confidence for Isabel, hope that she can really do it;
I was asking for...i also don't know what..I just kept telling her..

"Isabel, it's ok. You can do it. You can sleep on your own. Just close your eyes and sleep. Mommy is here to be with you. Mommy love you (plant a kiss on her face and forehead). "

Yet, we did not manage to pass through this challenge.

I console myself,
It's ok...how long can I be carrying her to sleep..
there is no harm carrying her to sleep...
She falls asleep very fast when I carry her to sleep..
No point creating all this stress for yourself and baby.
She will soon outgrown it and be able to sleep on her own.
Just take it easy and enjoy carrying her.

Deep in my heart, I really wish she can sooth herself to sleep.
Then, maybe she can nap longer, sleep better, be more independent.

I'm feeling so demotivated now..to try implementing anything...
Maybe I just let her be...
What will you do if you were me?